Opening
"We realised that to watch Akron against Orenburg without calling an exorcist, a sober mind is not enough," said Arkady Trezvonnikov, head of the RFU's department of cognitive marketing. "The method lets a fan enter a trance in which misplaced passes look like brilliant improvisation and Artem Dzyuba looks like a promising youngster with fire in his eyes."
The RFU stressed that the technique does not replace watching football properly; it merely helps citizens survive its dullest stretches: positional attacks that go nowhere, VAR pauses, set pieces played two touches backwards and the second halves of matches for tenth place.
